I don’t think this is going to happen.
Between Gretchen telling me Amarro was “weird” after they helped out the temple of Cayden Cailean here in town and his somewhat confusing behavior, I’m beginning to think he’s not on the menu. He’s never seen me fat, so as soon as we returned to Oregent I had Gretchen renew the spell, and I went to see him: I figured he’d like seeing me as my slim, cute self, and then I could see what he was feeling. The results have been… at this point, sadly expected: either he knows something he’s not letting on, or he likes men. Or he doesn’t like me.
… Or I don’t know what I’m doing. I might just start assuming that, to be honest. Still, it’s been neverending interest in other women anywhere between my age and his, but never me. I’m honestly baffled at this point. Does he secretly know how fat I am or something? If I were more insecure than this, I’m certain this would be extremely upsetting, but he really hasn’t encouraged my attraction at all… I don’t get it.
I’ll admit to feeling some anxiety: Gretchen had told me to stay put after making me thin again yet here I am, off on some fool errand. Thankfully I haven’t gained any weight since she slimmed me down a few days ago, and I was just honestly kind of desperate to have the chance to use “my” body once more, before I blew up into a ball again… I’m not really familiar with all of the magic involved in my situation, but she said that it was “obviously a magical affliction”, and looked extremely concerned (if even for a moment) when examining me upon my return, besides the usual flush she has when we speak (I’m sure she’d leave me fat if she could have her way). Still, I was sure she wouldn’t be too upset if I went to spend the evening at the guild hall, but suddenly we were invited for a weekend away and I honestly couldn’t say no… Well, I brought along a bunch of those small tablets she told me to eat and my fat pants in case something weird happens like in the arena; I’d say that’s my due diligence covered. I figure she won’t be too upset; I brought the bag of tablets, after all.
I’m not normally a “letter of the law” person, but besides the intense restlessness I felt just sitting around our apartments, I felt a sort of overwhelming desire to seek out actual food, despite Gretchen’s suggestion otherwise and the implication that I eat only the tablets. … So I… wait, am I trying to justify disobeying her advice??
… Well, I’ll just eat them whenever I’m especially hungry, and that should cover what she wanted.
I’m just so restless! Honestly, I’m not sure what it is, but I’ve barely felt that gnawing hunger or overwhelming anxiety since returning… Are the tablets some kind of medication? Or was it me getting a trip home to Tian Xia out of my system? It felt like ages since I’d left, but it’s barely been a year… Regardless, I’ve not eaten anything but those tablets since she told me to start them, and I’m honestly beginning to forget what food tasted like. Yes, this trip was a good idea, if only for that.
… Well, I guess I’ll just put it from my mind and see how this weekend plays out.